The bubble of acidity brews in your gut, slowly rises, then stops, BANG in your oesophagus. Your lungs constrict. Your breath shortens. Your hands begin to shake. You have pins and needles across your entire body. You can't think. You can't focus. You feel like you can't breathe. You think "whats wrong with me".
The answer: everything and nothing at the same time.
Anxiety began to become a factor in my life from a very young age, but it wasn't until I was diagnosed with a brain disease at 15 years old that it began to take a big hit. I remember going to the hospital and asking a doctor that I "might need to see a psychologist" and all I could think about was how humiliating it must be for someone who aspired to work in a mental health sector to seek professional help, how embarrassing it would be if one of my friends at school found out. Its honestly horrible being ashamed of something that is out of your control, not being able to control your own feelings.
The pains that come along with anxiety are extremely frustrating as sometimes its not real pain that you could be experiencing but one that you've imagined yourself. Take a couple of weeks ago as an example, I assumed I had developed double vision and lay in my bed for almost two weeks in the fear that I had something seriously wrong with me when in actual fact, I was focusing too hard on objects and thus IMAGINING having double vision, it was all in my head. You see, anxiety makes you do crazy, irrational things, you know there's nothing wrong with you but you'll try and convince yourself that something's not right and when that problem seems to have disappeared, you'll sit around waiting for your next problem to arise.
The pains that come along with anxiety are extremely frustrating as sometimes its not real pain that you could be experiencing but one that you've imagined yourself. Take a couple of weeks ago as an example, I assumed I had developed double vision and lay in my bed for almost two weeks in the fear that I had something seriously wrong with me when in actual fact, I was focusing too hard on objects and thus IMAGINING having double vision, it was all in my head. You see, anxiety makes you do crazy, irrational things, you know there's nothing wrong with you but you'll try and convince yourself that something's not right and when that problem seems to have disappeared, you'll sit around waiting for your next problem to arise.
If you've got this far, you'd probably think why I'm writing this. Well honestly I truly don't know myself. Perhaps its about letting all of the frustration go as I sit in my living room in the dark after experiencing a panic attack at 4am courtesy of this "invisible monster". Perhaps it's because I feel heaps better once I tell someone how i'm feeling.
It is more important than ever, especially in this day an age that we are able to speak out and openly about what we're going through. It's 2017, there's no reason for people to feel ashamed of their feelings.
It is more important than ever, especially in this day an age that we are able to speak out and openly about what we're going through. It's 2017, there's no reason for people to feel ashamed of their feelings.
