Here's to 2020

Although it seems that the year passed so quickly, it has been filled with a lot of personal growth. I lost myself, found myself, lost loved ones, gained loved ones, lost people I thought I knew, found people I was destined to know.  I'm so grateful for all the opportunities that have come my way, but more grateful for my failures of the year as it has taught me a lot of things and been a huge learning curve in my life. I know that everything that occurs in life is supposed to happen for a reason, but I am so ready to close the chapter of 2019 and open a new one, ready for all the things that stand before me. Lets hope the new year is full of lots of happiness, love, blessings and accomplishments.

Here's to 2020.

The voice of self compare

The voice that loves to condemn,

The voice that leaves us feeling unworthy and inferior,

The voice that pops up like an unwelcome guest. 

The voice of self-compare.

Imagine sitting in a coffee shop and a complete stranger comes up to you, picking out your insecurities and pointing out how others in a café were superior to you. I'd hope that we'd all walk off and ignore that stranger and defend ourselves.

"who are they to talk about me like that , they don't know me?'

So why do we accept talking to ourselves like this? Is it because it feels so real that we believe WE are the voice? I mean, the voice comes from inside us, so why should we not trust it? The truth is, comparing ourselves is actually an inherit instinct. In prehistoric ages, this would allow to quickly analyse others to identify possible threats. However, in todays society these swift comparisons may be causing harm rather than prevent it. You see, in modern life, we are still comparing but we're not in small groups anymore, in fact groups are huge and social media gives us access to even more people for us to compare to. This constant comparison heightens our worries about getting judged, rejected or not being good enough. So what should we do?

I came to a realisation a while ago that I will never win playing the game of self comparison. No matter how many books I read, there will always be someone smarter, no matter how much I work out, there will always be someone in better shape. Only, just knowing these things doesn't mean that I am able to stop comparing myself to others. I've tried to make a conscious effort to try to identify when I'm making a comparison and try to bring my attention elsewhere.

I like to remind myself that growth is unconscious. We're forever growing, learning and achieving. Yet, we fail to recognise this when we're comparing ourselves to others. I think we are blind to our own progress and hyper vigilant of other's. No matter how I feel, I try to remember that I was better than I was yesterday, and the day before that and the day before that. We've all had challenges, but we ploughed through them to get to where we are today.

It's also important to remember the people that i'm comparing myself to are not flawless. I think we all know that no one is perfect, but emotionally we seem to feel bad when we don't match the progress of others. We shouldn't focus on how we rank in comparison to others, I like to think of life as a journey. That journey had nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go. That's all we need to worry about.

After all, wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same?