It’s not your fault your face isn’t as beautiful as it is

This weekend, someone said something to me. They looked at me, unprovoked, unprompted and said, “It’s not your fault your face isn’t as beautiful as it is.” The worst thing was, i genuinely thought this person had my back after we reconnected from being distant for a couple of years.

It was one of those comments that catches you off guard not just because of the words, but because of the context: there was none. No tension, no discussion, no reason. Just someone deciding to let their inner voice spill out, with no concern for how it might land.

I’m not one for confrontation. I rarely say something in the moment. But I do write.

So here’s what I want to say, now that I’ve had a moment to feel what I felt.

When did we normalise making unsolicited comments about people’s faces, bodies, or appearance, like it’s nothing?

When did it become socially acceptable to blurt out a judgment, especially one coated in faux sympathy, and expect the other person to just take it?

We’ve created a culture where people think they can say whatever they want, under the guise of being funny and walk away untouched by the impact of their words. But the impact is real.

I know I don’t fit the traditional, cookie-cutter standard of beauty. I’ve known that for a long time. I've even got a blog post about it down below. And the thing is, I’m okay with that.

Actually, I’m more than okay with it. I’m comfortable in my skin. I like the way I look. So does my boyfriend (not that that should matter, but since the world can be superficial and likes to tie value to attractiveness by whether or not you're desired, I thought I’d toss that little fact in for anyone keeping score) 

What I’m not okay with is someone thinking they have the right to voice their thoughts about my face as if it’s public property. As if their opinion adds value. As if I was asking to be rated. There’s a difference between honesty and rudeness. Between being direct and being careless.

If your “truth” involves someone else’s appearance, and they didn’t ask for it, keep it to yourself. Especially if you think you’re being helpful. Spoiler: you’re not.

What you’re doing is projecting your own internalised beauty standards, insecurities, and expectations onto someone else. And that’s not radical honesty, that’s just ego and insecurity. 

My value doesn’t rise or fall based on whether someone else finds me pretty.

And honestly?

If beauty were tied to kindness, I’d be beautiful as fuck.

I’d rather be the person who made you feel seen than the one who made you feel small.